Slice of Life Humor: A Retirement Letter from #Slice2013

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This is for Slice of Life. (You can view it differently here.)

<Here is a letter received from #slice2013 this morning. Please take it under advisement.>

Dear Twitter,

I’ve decided to retire. I know, I know, I’ve been a faithful bit of byte every Tuesday, as I dutifully connect the Slice of Life community together with their writing. You might even say that my role has been to be a thread, stitching together stories across platforms — from blogs to that other social network some people still use to places that I haven’t even heard of before this year. Who knew that my time would come so soon? But here it is, the waning days of 2013, and I realize that my identity as #slice2013 is at the very end of the road.

As per our original agreement, I am expecting some perks for my work all year, Twitter. First of all, that vacation house on the Gulf Coast of Florida is ready, is it not? I plan to pack up my tweets and kick back in the sun and surf, with a bottle of Mezcal by my side. Surely, I’ve earned it. Second, I expect to be called out of retirement for training of the new hashtag. Oh, don’t try to play coy with me, Twitter. I know you have something brewing because … and this is important, so listen closely … the Slice of Life community really needs a hashtag.

Let me give you some suggestions on hashtags for the next year:

  • #slice2014 (the obvious choice)
  • #slicingbreadandwords2014 (too long)
  • #sol14 (too short and obscure)
  • #Lifeinslices (reversed)
  • #justletuswrite (nice but not connected to Slice of Life)

As you have entrusted me with the delicate decision, I have to go with the first hashtag — #slice2014 — as my top choice, reflecting as it does my own personality with a slight change in numbers to reflect the new year. Please bring my recommendation to the Slice of Life Hashtag Authorization Committee as soon as possible. If you act too slow, someone else might come along and grab the hashtag. The last thing we want is a legal battle over a hashtag. The Slice of Life Defense Fun Kickstarter Campaign is going poorly, as you know.

Now, you must let me go, as I have this last and final Tuesday of the year to oversee. You should see some of the writing and reflecting that is going on. It is amazing. The Mezcal can wait! I’m trending on Twitter, and it’s a mad rush.

Your friend in letters,

#slice2013

Peace (as submitted by),
Kevin

15 Comments
  1. LOL! Great retirement letter. Reminds me of a tradition here in Ecuador called “año viejo” – old year would be the literal translation. The “año viejo” even has a widow and she dresses up in mourning clothes and goes out to ask for money during the last few days of the year. The “año viejo” is then burned as an effigy on New Year’s Eve to get rid of all of the bad of the previous year before welcoming in the New Year. It’s usually men who dress up as the widow and it is a fun tradition.

  2. Your creativity never ceases to amaze us. Thank you for the early morning laugh! We are so proud that we understand it – six months ago we did not know what a hashtag was! Happy New Year!
    Clare

  3. I had fun writing it, as you can probably tell. Who knew giving life to a hashtag would be a hoot?
    Thanks for stopping by, everyone.
    Kevin

  4. How do you think of this stuff? (Seriously, your mind is always going, isn’t it?!!?) Love this letter from the hashtag.

    My apologies that we changed it up for next year to #sol14. It’s merely to give people five more characters for tweeting.

    #justletuswrite: That’s awesome.

    Happy New Year, Kevin.

  5. Who knew we would be writing about a new word so avidly, Kevin. Great to see. I’m imagining whole boardrooms filled with executives pondering over a ‘change’ in their business hashtag-could be! Thanks for the laughs!

  6. This is too funny…very creative too. It gives me an idea to use with my fourth graders…writing a letter to an inanimate object. I think they’d have fun with it. Happy 2014!

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