(From time to time, I try to get my funny bone working and crank out a few posts that are intended to be funny. Hilarious, even. They don’t usually work as funny material to anyone but me but that doesn’t stop me from writing them. I’m sorry you have to read them. My condolences.)
Memorandum (internal eyes only)
Listen, friend. No, wait … friend is the wrong term. That’s used by that other network. The one you have wisely scorned and ignored, even though all of the people you know are there. Don’t go there. Trust me. Listen, tweep. Wait. Hold on. That just sounds dumb. Why is it that you humans reduce cool technology to vocabulary that sounds like three 5-year-olds talking? Anyway, listen, we have to talk. I’ll make it brief, but longer than our traditional 140 characters. ‘Cause this is important. I notice that you have started using that new Plus site by Google. Or is it +? You don’t even know what to call it, do you? Plus? Plus what? Don’t they have someone on staff at that place who can come up with a catchy name? Anyway, what I wanted to say was, go ahead and feel your oats or whatever your human phrase is and play around with what will surely be another failed venture by Google. Remember Buzz? Wave, anyone? Wave goodbye is more like it. And then, after you realize how lacking it is, come on back to me, baby. You know Twitter is where it is at. Ignore that piece in Newsweek that noticed how many of my founders have split the scene. They were losers. Visionary losers. It means nothing. And sure, the fact that MySpace has crashed and burned is a bit … unsettling … but that’s what you get when Rupert Murdoch takes you over and uses you for an advertising base to teenagers. I mean, come on. Teenagers? That’s what you build a company on? They’re the most fickle creatures in the world. Now, wait a sec … so we do now have a few ads popping up in your Twitter stream. No … big … deal. We’re just trying to bring in some cash so that we can keep Twitter alive and well, and working just for you. What? You don’t think Google is not going to do the same thing with … what is it? … oh yea, Plus. Don’t be a fool. Google (Plus) You means advertising dollars in their heads. Cha-ching. Don’t you forget it! But you will always have a place here at Twitter. So go on, explore and see what I mean. I’ll see you soon.
Sincerely, in short bursts, Twitter
Don’t listen to that twitterin’ fool. He’s just a tiny version of us.
Staying on the Plus side of things, Google
Peace (in the networks, if they could write),