Tryin’ 2B Funny: Canned Email Replies, Teacher Edition

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(I just found out that in gmail, you can set up canned, or prewritten, email message replies. I was thinking about what teachers would add to their list of canned replies to parents. – Kevin)

A Teacher’s Canned Messages

  • I’m sorry I missed your email. I’ve been shut up in my house for hours with all these five paragraph essays. Five paragraphs times 100 students is a whole lot of reading. I’ll get back to you when my eyeballs return to normal and my own family is talking to me again.
  • If you have a question about the curriculum, contact the superintendent. I had nothing to do with it.
  • I’m not available right now. I’m busy building a giant converter box that turns letter grades into standardized assessments. Leave a┬ánote if you want to use my new invention, too, when I am done.
  • The school day has ended. For once, I decided that my working day has ended at the same time. I’ll respond to you tomorrow. Go toss a ball around with your son or daughter. That’s what I’m going to be doing.
  • If you are wondering about the quiz we had in class today, it wasn’t too difficult but it was designed to make your child think and use their head. And, no, they could not study for it. The question was a real-life scenario that called for real-life problem-solving. I’d like to think that that’s what school is for. If they struggled, that’s perfectly fine. Don’t worry about it.
  • I’ve received your email but I have decided to go on digital sabbatical. You will need to come see my in person if you want to talk. If you need directions to our school, ask your child, My classroom is the one just off the hallway from the nurse.
  • I now see where your child’s lack of spelling, punctuation and vocabulary comes from. (note to self: keep this one on the shelf)
  • Thank you for being such supportive parents. It makes my day how much you care and I want you to know I appreciate the ongoing partnership between you and I about your child. I only want the best for them, and it is clear that you do, too. I’m busy right now but will be back to you soon. Have a wonderful day, Mr. x/Mrs. x.

I’d like to think that last one would be the most used.

Peace (in the funny bones),


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